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Monday, July 11, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
Happy New Year!
Next year will bring whatever next year brings,
but what you bring to it will make all the difference. – Marianne Williamson
Hi Family!
I hope you've had a wonderful holiday season, and a great 2010. My family and many of my friends experienced a great deal of loss this year, but many of us have also experienced unparalleled excitement and joy. I feel blessed to fall into both categories, as the dark days made the good days even brighter.
You'll recall that around this time last year, I decided to step away from Bank of America and take some time to determine who I really wanted to be. I'm still on that journey, but this year has taught me so much - mostly about time and how I choose to spend it. Time after time, I was reminded how fleeting and fragile life is, how difficult it is to create, live, and preserve. And how the transition from life to death touches so many people in different ways. I believe that my grandmother chose to hang on until the time of her choosing, when her children had the opportunity to tell her goodbye, and she, though wordless, was able to do the same. Some, like my Aunt Inez, had lived a long, full life, and seemed to steal away in the middle night, leaving me to reflect on the time we had together and the lessons she'd taught. Others seemed snatched away, far too soon, leaving us robbed of any opportunity to say goodbye - some taken before we were even allowed to say hello. With each passing, I wondered how it felt for those lost to us to move forward - was there regret, sadness, release, joy, a sense of completion? I thought about my funeral, and what people would say about me. How many containers of KFC and cakes would be delivered to my loved ones? But most importantly, I wondered if those I left behind would know how much I loved them and how wonderful they had made my life just by being in it. Would it be enough, as Garth Brooks writes*, to sustain them?
Hand in hand with the many losses experienced this year were periods of great joy. I was able to deliver my second son - I was actually able to reach down and bring him into the world. That was AMAZING! I've had smaller magical moments too - seeing Jacob ride on the float in the Belmont Christmas parade, hugging my sister on Christmas Day, watching my brother realize a dream, eavesdropping on Andres and Jacob's conversations, and the nearly indescribable feeling of wholeness when I awake in the middle of the night and hear Alex, Jacob, and Andres all sleeping contentedly. And then there were things that just made me feel happy, like seeing my first article published, hearing Jacob sing "Hey, Soul Sister", and having the cashier marvel at my coupon savings. :) Many times, just after acknowledging the miracle in the moment, I was seized with anxiety, thinking back to those who had gone on and about all I had left to do and wanted to experience.
As I look forward to 2011, I look back on the lessons of 2010. Chief among them is ensuring my time is spent appropriately. Is it with those I love? Is it making a difference? Is it making me a better person? Am I growing? Of course, not every moment can be a productive one - there is also a lot to be gained from learning to be still and quiet, which is also on my list of "things to do" in 2011. There is also a bit of joy that comes with just wasting time every now and then, and I'm sure I'll get to experience that too. I'll continue to read Desiderata regularly (as I hope you will) to be reminded that with all its sham and drudgery, it is still a beautiful world. I'll look for opportunities to use my actions rather than my words. And most of all, I'll focus on living a life of gratitude, and saying thank you more often. I think all of these things will help me along my way of discovering who I want to be and becoming the best me possible.
I look forward to transitioning into 2011. I look forward to all that the New Year has to offer and the opportunities it will bring to each of us. I eagerly anticipate the experiences we'll share and those we'll tell each other about through email, text, on a phone call, facebook, or over a glass of wine. Most of all, I'm excited about continuing the journey, and I'm inspired by those who crossed over in 2010 to do everything I can to enjoy it. It really is one hell of a ride.
Cheers to you in 2011. Take good care of yourself. I hope our paths cross often in the new year.
Love,
Sidney
*If Tomorrow Never Comes by Garth Brooks and Kent Blazy.
What would a “Happy New Year” message from me be without “Desiderata”? Enjoy.
Desiderata
By Max Ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Friday, May 28, 2010
I'm a Freelance Writer - For Real!
Though I sold my first article a few months ago, I had my first article published yesterday. I'm so excited to be a bona fide published, paid writer! I've been writing away, so hopefully there will be more to come. Thanks for your support!
Monday, April 26, 2010
The Census - Tough Choices
This year, we were delighted to receive our 2010 Census form, and were anxious to do our civic duty to complete it. I took on the task, reading each question and writing neatly in all of the squares.
I flew through the first few questions - then I arrived at questions 8 & 9. Having named my husband as the "head of household" and listing him first, I had to identify him first as being of "Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish origin" and then in the following question, I had to identify his race. I was puzzled - completely unsure of which box to mark. I took the question to him, asking that he make the choice for himself. I read off the choices and he simply stared back at me, just as puzzled as I was. I asked if he wanted to mark "White", and he answered no, stating that he was not White in appearance nor in experience. He chose "Black, African Am., or Negro". He said that was how he'd identify himself in terms of appearance and experience and went with that. However, none of the given choices sat particularly well.
As I've considered it further, I've wondered what data the Census folks are really trying to obtain. Is it a matter of being able to answer the question of how Latinos identify themselves? Is it an attempt to categorize them (as has too often been the case) as Black or White? Additionally, what does it imply about other people - could the same sense of duality not exist for them? Would it not make sense to identify the Chinese child adopted by a White family as Chinese but also as White? Would it evolve? If this same child as a young adult in college became immersed in Chinese culture and married a Chinese man, when it became her turn to fill out the census, could she identify herself as simply Chinese? Shouldn't it be her choice?
We Americans love our labels, and I understand their applications (as well as their implications). I would be very interested to see questions 8 and 9 rewritten to allow additional reflection and self-identification by our citizens. More curious still, what would the data show? And what would we accept? The distinctions of race of ethnicity become ever more blurry - wouldn't we be best served by the census being updated to reflect this?
I flew through the first few questions - then I arrived at questions 8 & 9. Having named my husband as the "head of household" and listing him first, I had to identify him first as being of "Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish origin" and then in the following question, I had to identify his race. I was puzzled - completely unsure of which box to mark. I took the question to him, asking that he make the choice for himself. I read off the choices and he simply stared back at me, just as puzzled as I was. I asked if he wanted to mark "White", and he answered no, stating that he was not White in appearance nor in experience. He chose "Black, African Am., or Negro". He said that was how he'd identify himself in terms of appearance and experience and went with that. However, none of the given choices sat particularly well.
As I've considered it further, I've wondered what data the Census folks are really trying to obtain. Is it a matter of being able to answer the question of how Latinos identify themselves? Is it an attempt to categorize them (as has too often been the case) as Black or White? Additionally, what does it imply about other people - could the same sense of duality not exist for them? Would it not make sense to identify the Chinese child adopted by a White family as Chinese but also as White? Would it evolve? If this same child as a young adult in college became immersed in Chinese culture and married a Chinese man, when it became her turn to fill out the census, could she identify herself as simply Chinese? Shouldn't it be her choice?
We Americans love our labels, and I understand their applications (as well as their implications). I would be very interested to see questions 8 and 9 rewritten to allow additional reflection and self-identification by our citizens. More curious still, what would the data show? And what would we accept? The distinctions of race of ethnicity become ever more blurry - wouldn't we be best served by the census being updated to reflect this?
So....What's New?
It has been some time since my last post. I'd like to say that I've been unraveling the mystery of my existence and uncovering my path, but that just isn't so. I have, however, been enjoying myself. Very light schedules, few decisions. I've let my cell phone battery die without recharging it for days at a time, and have become a veritable ghost on Facebook and Twitter. And owning my time has been a most pleasant time.
As I look forward, I do recognize the need to pick up the mantle of my self-discovery and determine the best possible way to leave my mark upon this world. I'm not sure that this means that I'll do a better job of recharging my cell phone or updating my Twitter and Facebook statuses, but I am quite sure that I will begin the difficult work of defining my path and making decisions on what needs to come next. In other words, the respite is finished, and the seeking is beginning again. Care to come along?
As I look forward, I do recognize the need to pick up the mantle of my self-discovery and determine the best possible way to leave my mark upon this world. I'm not sure that this means that I'll do a better job of recharging my cell phone or updating my Twitter and Facebook statuses, but I am quite sure that I will begin the difficult work of defining my path and making decisions on what needs to come next. In other words, the respite is finished, and the seeking is beginning again. Care to come along?
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Happy New Year!
Hello Family -
2010 is fast approaching, and I'm eagerly awaiting its arrival. Each year, I remind you (and myself) of Max Ehrmann's Desiderata. This year, I had a particularly hard time seeing beyond the "sham and drudgery" and remembering that "it is still a beautiful world." Thank goodness for the gentle, wonderful reminders that pepper my days: Jacob's laughter, words of support, love and encouragement from Andres, waking up after a good night's rest, a delectable meal with a fabulous glass of wine (or mojito) and perfect company and conversation.
I started this year with a bang - attending the inauguration, partying it up with new and old friends, and sharing an experience with millions of people that I will cherish for the rest of my life. But overall, it has been a very hard year. We lost our miracle girl, Meenakshi. It was a blow to my family, my heart, and my faith. As most of you know, earlier this month, I experienced a miscarriage, and that broke our hearts. I was speaking to my sister-in-law, Ruchi, and she said, "I'm just ready for this year to be over!" I completely agree. Though ever grateful for the time I'm given with my family and friends, I'm just ready to begin anew.
The sage advice in "Everyone is Free to Wear Sunscreen"* resonated with me at several key moments this year:
- Don't worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind: the kind that blindsides you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
- Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.
- Enjoy your body: use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it; it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
- Do one thing every day that scares you.
In the interest of beginning anew (and doing one thing every day that scares me), I've resigned from my job at the bank and am taking some time to figure out exactly what my next steps need to be. I feel immensely blessed to have this opportunity and will enjoy the extra time with Jacob and Andres while I uncover the path to my next great adventure. I’m extremely hopeful and excited about my future.
I don’t know what the next year will bring. But I know that I am filled with optimism and anticipation. We’ll be ringing in the New Year under a blue moon AND a partial lunar eclipse. It is hard to imagine that it could be anything other than perfectly auspicious.
My wish for us in the coming year is the same as it was last year: enormous peace and grace, exceptional adventure, immense blessings, and that our souls will have enough boldness and our spirits will be brave enough* to live within each moment (each miracle ) we are given and to find something in that moment that is pleasing. That we will "go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence."
Of course, I must ask that you revisit Desiderata as you begin 2010. Try to remember to “be gentle with yourself” and “to keep peace in your soul.” Most importantly, "strive to be happy."
All my very best to you in 2010. I look forward to our paths crossing.
Be well, and be in touch,
Sidney
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?
**Thanks, Baudelaire
Desiderata
By Max Ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
On Prayer
I've been thinking quite a bit a prayer lately. I've been discussing it with my friends and family, and I've been reading about it. Before I even start down the path, I want to make sure I'm very clear about one thing - I recognize prayer as a very real way to connect with God. I'm not questioning its role in our lives. I am questioning how we pray, and the efficacy of the prayers that are prayed.
My family suffered a great loss recently (see my post dated September 13, 2009), and I've been sorting through how to honestly deal with it. Questions keep arising on for me on faith and prayer. As I said, I've been fortunate to be able to discuss these questions with friends and family, but I want to explore a bit deeper, and of course, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
So here are my questions:
I've never been big on praying for the accumulation of material things (aside from winning the lottery), but I do pray for things like the health and safety of myself and my loved ones, that a particular project or task will go well, that I'm not late, etc. I pray prayers of thanks and gratitude when good things happen (and sometimes bad), and I also pray for things like peace of mind, compassion, mercy. But I can't reconcile believing that these prayers will be heard and considered with believing that the plan for our lives has already been written and that God really does know what's best.
Assuming that acceptance of God's will is not an issue, and my only prayer is for one requesting betterment, peace of mind, and understanding, I struggle to see how this does not fall into similar categories of health, safety and the lottery. If I'm not meant to understand at this time, or to be a better person or to have peace of mind, just as it is not my time to have the winning ticket, what purpose does prayer serve? I also hear "God answers prayers" quite a bit. But I question whether or not that's true - not because I doubt his ability or desire to, but because that seems counter to having a master plan. Maybe it is more of a master outline than a detailed master plan, but either way, if the end is written, what power does my prayer have to change the situation? (And I mean this for good situations as well as bad. I thinking the bad things have already been written just as the goods ones have. Neither is reward nor a slight to us - they are simply prescribed occurrences that God mapped out for us to experience on our journey. A silly example is a lost key. "Lord, please help me find this key." The key is found - is it because it was always meant to be found or because you asked for help in finding it?)
In my search for answers to these questions, I've found a bit of illumination through my reading. In Illuminata: A Return to Prayer, Marianne Williamson writes, "Prayer enables us to transform the world, because it transforms us." She also writes, "Prayer is something we do. To say a prayer is more than just to think about God. A prayerful attitude is powerful, but the actual utterance of a prayer, silently or aloud, increases the subconscious power of communion with God."
Perhaps prayer is a conversation we allow ourselves to have with God, and though the conversation is built around requests or expressions of gratitude, the true purpose is simply to have the conversation. To seek the communion and the expansion of our minds and spirits to have the ability to accept (and possible harness?) the power that God has in our lives.
In the end, I really don't know. And that's why I'm continuing to search. In the meantime, I pray daily, multiple times a day. I'm not abandoning my requests for the health, safety, and happiness of my loved ones (and a lottery win), just yet. But I'm also considering what it means to be faithful and what it means to accept God's will, and how the the amazing gift that God gave us - free will, fits in to all of this.
Let me know your thoughts.
My family suffered a great loss recently (see my post dated September 13, 2009), and I've been sorting through how to honestly deal with it. Questions keep arising on for me on faith and prayer. As I said, I've been fortunate to be able to discuss these questions with friends and family, but I want to explore a bit deeper, and of course, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
So here are my questions:
- If we believe that God is omniscient, has a master plan, and acts in our best interests, what is the point of praying for things like health, safety, deliverance, good fortune, etc.? If it is a part of the "master plan", are all occurrences in our lives pre-determined? Is prayer in this case - in the case of requesting a change in circumstance or protection from a perceived undesirable situation - actually an act of anti-faith?
- What sort of prayers are acts of faith?
I've never been big on praying for the accumulation of material things (aside from winning the lottery), but I do pray for things like the health and safety of myself and my loved ones, that a particular project or task will go well, that I'm not late, etc. I pray prayers of thanks and gratitude when good things happen (and sometimes bad), and I also pray for things like peace of mind, compassion, mercy. But I can't reconcile believing that these prayers will be heard and considered with believing that the plan for our lives has already been written and that God really does know what's best.
Assuming that acceptance of God's will is not an issue, and my only prayer is for one requesting betterment, peace of mind, and understanding, I struggle to see how this does not fall into similar categories of health, safety and the lottery. If I'm not meant to understand at this time, or to be a better person or to have peace of mind, just as it is not my time to have the winning ticket, what purpose does prayer serve? I also hear "God answers prayers" quite a bit. But I question whether or not that's true - not because I doubt his ability or desire to, but because that seems counter to having a master plan. Maybe it is more of a master outline than a detailed master plan, but either way, if the end is written, what power does my prayer have to change the situation? (And I mean this for good situations as well as bad. I thinking the bad things have already been written just as the goods ones have. Neither is reward nor a slight to us - they are simply prescribed occurrences that God mapped out for us to experience on our journey. A silly example is a lost key. "Lord, please help me find this key." The key is found - is it because it was always meant to be found or because you asked for help in finding it?)
In my search for answers to these questions, I've found a bit of illumination through my reading. In Illuminata: A Return to Prayer, Marianne Williamson writes, "Prayer enables us to transform the world, because it transforms us." She also writes, "Prayer is something we do. To say a prayer is more than just to think about God. A prayerful attitude is powerful, but the actual utterance of a prayer, silently or aloud, increases the subconscious power of communion with God."
Perhaps prayer is a conversation we allow ourselves to have with God, and though the conversation is built around requests or expressions of gratitude, the true purpose is simply to have the conversation. To seek the communion and the expansion of our minds and spirits to have the ability to accept (and possible harness?) the power that God has in our lives.
In the end, I really don't know. And that's why I'm continuing to search. In the meantime, I pray daily, multiple times a day. I'm not abandoning my requests for the health, safety, and happiness of my loved ones (and a lottery win), just yet. But I'm also considering what it means to be faithful and what it means to accept God's will, and how the the amazing gift that God gave us - free will, fits in to all of this.
Let me know your thoughts.
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