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Next year will bring whatever next year brings,
but what you bring to it will make all the difference. – Marianne Williamson
Hi Family!
I hope you've had a wonderful holiday season, and a great 2010. My family and many of my friends experienced a great deal of loss this year, but many of us have also experienced unparalleled excitement and joy. I feel blessed to fall into both categories, as the dark days made the good days even brighter.
You'll recall that around this time last year, I decided to step away from Bank of America and take some time to determine who I really wanted to be. I'm still on that journey, but this year has taught me so much - mostly about time and how I choose to spend it. Time after time, I was reminded how fleeting and fragile life is, how difficult it is to create, live, and preserve. And how the transition from life to death touches so many people in different ways. I believe that my grandmother chose to hang on until the time of her choosing, when her children had the opportunity to tell her goodbye, and she, though wordless, was able to do the same. Some, like my Aunt Inez, had lived a long, full life, and seemed to steal away in the middle night, leaving me to reflect on the time we had together and the lessons she'd taught. Others seemed snatched away, far too soon, leaving us robbed of any opportunity to say goodbye - some taken before we were even allowed to say hello. With each passing, I wondered how it felt for those lost to us to move forward - was there regret, sadness, release, joy, a sense of completion? I thought about my funeral, and what people would say about me. How many containers of KFC and cakes would be delivered to my loved ones? But most importantly, I wondered if those I left behind would know how much I loved them and how wonderful they had made my life just by being in it. Would it be enough, as Garth Brooks writes*, to sustain them?
Hand in hand with the many losses experienced this year were periods of great joy. I was able to deliver my second son - I was actually able to reach down and bring him into the world. That was AMAZING! I've had smaller magical moments too - seeing Jacob ride on the float in the Belmont Christmas parade, hugging my sister on Christmas Day, watching my brother realize a dream, eavesdropping on Andres and Jacob's conversations, and the nearly indescribable feeling of wholeness when I awake in the middle of the night and hear Alex, Jacob, and Andres all sleeping contentedly. And then there were things that just made me feel happy, like seeing my first article published, hearing Jacob sing "Hey, Soul Sister", and having the cashier marvel at my coupon savings. :) Many times, just after acknowledging the miracle in the moment, I was seized with anxiety, thinking back to those who had gone on and about all I had left to do and wanted to experience.
As I look forward to 2011, I look back on the lessons of 2010. Chief among them is ensuring my time is spent appropriately. Is it with those I love? Is it making a difference? Is it making me a better person? Am I growing? Of course, not every moment can be a productive one - there is also a lot to be gained from learning to be still and quiet, which is also on my list of "things to do" in 2011. There is also a bit of joy that comes with just wasting time every now and then, and I'm sure I'll get to experience that too. I'll continue to read Desiderata regularly (as I hope you will) to be reminded that with all its sham and drudgery, it is still a beautiful world. I'll look for opportunities to use my actions rather than my words. And most of all, I'll focus on living a life of gratitude, and saying thank you more often. I think all of these things will help me along my way of discovering who I want to be and becoming the best me possible.
I look forward to transitioning into 2011. I look forward to all that the New Year has to offer and the opportunities it will bring to each of us. I eagerly anticipate the experiences we'll share and those we'll tell each other about through email, text, on a phone call, facebook, or over a glass of wine. Most of all, I'm excited about continuing the journey, and I'm inspired by those who crossed over in 2010 to do everything I can to enjoy it. It really is one hell of a ride.
Cheers to you in 2011. Take good care of yourself. I hope our paths cross often in the new year.
Love,
Sidney
*If Tomorrow Never Comes by Garth Brooks and Kent Blazy.
What would a “Happy New Year” message from me be without “Desiderata”? Enjoy.
Desiderata
By Max Ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
