Happy New Year!

Next year will bring whatever next year brings,

but what you bring to it will make all the difference. – Marianne Williamson

Hi Family!

I hope you've had a wonderful holiday season, and a great 2010. My family and many of my friends experienced a great deal of loss this year, but many of us have also experienced unparalleled excitement and joy. I feel blessed to fall into both categories, as the dark days made the good days even brighter.

You'll recall that around this time last year, I decided to step away from Bank of America and take some time to determine who I really wanted to be. I'm still on that journey, but this year has taught me so much - mostly about time and how I choose to spend it. Time after time, I was reminded how fleeting and fragile life is, how difficult it is to create, live, and preserve. And how the transition from life to death touches so many people in different ways. I believe that my grandmother chose to hang on until the time of her choosing, when her children had the opportunity to tell her goodbye, and she, though wordless, was able to do the same. Some, like my Aunt Inez, had lived a long, full life, and seemed to steal away in the middle night, leaving me to reflect on the time we had together and the lessons she'd taught. Others seemed snatched away, far too soon, leaving us robbed of any opportunity to say goodbye - some taken before we were even allowed to say hello. With each passing, I wondered how it felt for those lost to us to move forward - was there regret, sadness, release, joy, a sense of completion? I thought about my funeral, and what people would say about me. How many containers of KFC and cakes would be delivered to my loved ones? But most importantly, I wondered if those I left behind would know how much I loved them and how wonderful they had made my life just by being in it. Would it be enough, as Garth Brooks writes*, to sustain them?

Hand in hand with the many losses experienced this year were periods of great joy. I was able to deliver my second son - I was actually able to reach down and bring him into the world. That was AMAZING! I've had smaller magical moments too - seeing Jacob ride on the float in the Belmont Christmas parade, hugging my sister on Christmas Day, watching my brother realize a dream, eavesdropping on Andres and Jacob's conversations, and the nearly indescribable feeling of wholeness when I awake in the middle of the night and hear Alex, Jacob, and Andres all sleeping contentedly. And then there were things that just made me feel happy, like seeing my first article published, hearing Jacob sing "Hey, Soul Sister", and having the cashier marvel at my coupon savings. :) Many times, just after acknowledging the miracle in the moment, I was seized with anxiety, thinking back to those who had gone on and about all I had left to do and wanted to experience.

As I look forward to 2011, I look back on the lessons of 2010. Chief among them is ensuring my time is spent appropriately. Is it with those I love? Is it making a difference? Is it making me a better person? Am I growing? Of course, not every moment can be a productive one - there is also a lot to be gained from learning to be still and quiet, which is also on my list of "things to do" in 2011. There is also a bit of joy that comes with just wasting time every now and then, and I'm sure I'll get to experience that too. I'll continue to read Desiderata regularly (as I hope you will) to be reminded that with all its sham and drudgery, it is still a beautiful world. I'll look for opportunities to use my actions rather than my words. And most of all, I'll focus on living a life of gratitude, and saying thank you more often. I think all of these things will help me along my way of discovering who I want to be and becoming the best me possible.

I look forward to transitioning into 2011. I look forward to all that the New Year has to offer and the opportunities it will bring to each of us. I eagerly anticipate the experiences we'll share and those we'll tell each other about through email, text, on a phone call, facebook, or over a glass of wine. Most of all, I'm excited about continuing the journey, and I'm inspired by those who crossed over in 2010 to do everything I can to enjoy it. It really is one hell of a ride.

Cheers to you in 2011. Take good care of yourself. I hope our paths cross often in the new year.

Love,

Sidney

*If Tomorrow Never Comes by Garth Brooks and Kent Blazy.

What would a “Happy New Year” message from me be without “Desiderata”? Enjoy.

Desiderata

By Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

I'm a Freelance Writer - For Real!

Though I sold my first article a few months ago, I had my first article published yesterday. I'm so excited to be a bona fide published, paid writer! I've been writing away, so hopefully there will be more to come. Thanks for your support!

The Census - Tough Choices

This year, we were delighted to receive our 2010 Census form, and were anxious to do our civic duty to complete it. I took on the task, reading each question and writing neatly in all of the squares.

I flew through the first few questions - then I arrived at questions 8 & 9. Having named my husband as the "head of household" and listing him first, I had to identify him first as being of "Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish origin" and then in the following question, I had to identify his race. I was puzzled - completely unsure of which box to mark. I took the question to him, asking that he make the choice for himself. I read off the choices and he simply stared back at me, just as puzzled as I was. I asked if he wanted to mark "White", and he answered no, stating that he was not White in appearance nor in experience. He chose "Black, African Am., or Negro". He said that was how he'd identify himself in terms of appearance and experience and went with that. However, none of the given choices sat particularly well.

As I've considered it further, I've wondered what data the Census folks are really trying to obtain. Is it a matter of being able to answer the question of how Latinos identify themselves? Is it an attempt to categorize them (as has too often been the case) as Black or White? Additionally, what does it imply about other people - could the same sense of duality not exist for them? Would it not make sense to identify the Chinese child adopted by a White family as Chinese but also as White? Would it evolve? If this same child as a young adult in college became immersed in Chinese culture and married a Chinese man, when it became her turn to fill out the census, could she identify herself as simply Chinese? Shouldn't it be her choice?

We Americans love our labels, and I understand their applications (as well as their implications). I would be very interested to see questions 8 and 9 rewritten to allow additional reflection and self-identification by our citizens. More curious still, what would the data show? And what would we accept? The distinctions of race of ethnicity become ever more blurry - wouldn't we be best served by the census being updated to reflect this?

So....What's New?

It has been some time since my last post. I'd like to say that I've been unraveling the mystery of my existence and uncovering my path, but that just isn't so. I have, however, been enjoying myself. Very light schedules, few decisions. I've let my cell phone battery die without recharging it for days at a time, and have become a veritable ghost on Facebook and Twitter. And owning my time has been a most pleasant time.

As I look forward, I do recognize the need to pick up the mantle of my self-discovery and determine the best possible way to leave my mark upon this world. I'm not sure that this means that I'll do a better job of recharging my cell phone or updating my Twitter and Facebook statuses, but I am quite sure that I will begin the difficult work of defining my path and making decisions on what needs to come next. In other words, the respite is finished, and the seeking is beginning again. Care to come along?