How My Year Began

I write a note to my friends and family about the upcoming year. Here's what I was thinking at the beginning of 2009. As we enter the final quarter of the year, I can't say that the foreboding has subsided. (NOTE: I edited the Post Date and Time to reflect when this was written.)

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Each year, I look forward to sitting down and writing this email. This year, for the first time in many years, I found myself without the butterflies of anticipation of a new year. I've really wrestled with what to say. As I described it to a friend today, the future feels ominous. I don't know if it is the state of the economy and the stories we hear every day about people struggling to make it or if it is just the uneasiness that comes with not knowing what tomorrow brings, but there has been something nagging within me, not allowing the joy and excitement that for me typically accompanies the exit of the old year and the entrance of the new.

I sat and I read emails to you from previous years. And I again read Desiderata. And I was reminded "whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul."

Last year, as I looked forward to 2008, I predicted an auspicious year. In many ways, I don't think that I was wrong. It has been an amazing year. I saw my sister and one of my best friends marry the loves of their lives. I heard Jacob say "I love you" for the first time. I went on fabulous girlfriend getaways and was able to absorb some good sisterhood time. I made some wonderful new friends and reconnected with several old ones. Andres, Jacob and I worked on Barack Obama's campaign and I had the good fortune to be elected a delegate from my congressional district. I had the additional good fortune to sit on the third row at the Democratic National Convention to watch Barack Obama accept his party's nomination for president of the United States. Yes, amazing.

Most amazing this year was my ability to bear witness to a real miracle. Meenakshi's miracle.* I saw unwavering faith, corporate prayer, love, and perseverance save a life. Equal to that miracle were the lessons that Meena's miracle taught - that the miracle isn't just the manifestation of the impossible, but also resides within smaller, simpler things, such as the ability to spend time - even moments - with loved ones, and recognizing what an enormous gift that time is. Her experience and (and the experience of her parents) taught me that peace cannot be sought, but comes from letting go - that only in the letting go is something gained. The perspective that I gained from Meena's miracle is unparalleled to any lesson I've received this year, and I am immensely grateful for it.

As I reflect on 2008 I know there are things that I could have done better. I could have used my time more wisely. I could have made better decisions and used better judgement. I could have worked harder to create opportunities to spend time with those that are important to me. I harbor regret around each of these things. Last year I wrote, "This year I've opened my mind to try to find my true intention and true identity. And to borrow words from the Grateful Dead, what a long strange trip it has been. I happily acknowledge that I am work-in-progress and appreciate the opportunity I've been given to explore this." It has been a whole year, and I find that I'm STILL searching, working, and learning. SHEESH! Who knew what a long, exhausting, strange trip it would be? But this is just the path of life, yes? And it is a road we are all traveling, each finding our own direction - together. Again, I express my gratitude to all of you for the pieces of the mirror, map, and compass you each are to me - helping me to see just who I am, where I am going, and reminding me that no matter where I am in the journey, I am never lost. I also feel fortunate for the lessons I've learned and I feel confident in my ability to make it a little further down my path of discovery next year.

I count among my greatest blessings my little nuclear family and the peace they bring me each day - the joy I am given by Jacob's smile and the unflappable, steadfast support given to me by Andres. It is my greatest hope that I provide each of them with the same gifts.

My wish for each of you (and myself) for 2009 is enormous peace and grace, exceptional adventure, immense blessings, and that our souls will have enough boldness and our spirits will be brave enough** to live within each moment - each miracle - we are given and to find something in that moment that is pleasing. That we will "go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence."

As I complete this note to you, the future doesn't feel so ominous. In fact, it feels perfectly propitious. :) I am looking forward to it, and I hope you are too. Again, I encourage you to read Desiderata as a simple reminder that "with all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world."